Glossy, shiny full of crap
They’re on the shelves, the woman trap
Luring us with shocking tales
Celebrity stories in great detail
“How to”guides- like shedding pounds
Advice on marriage knows no bounds
Recipes for leftover meat
Make curry for a midweek treat
They patronise like we are thick
The smartass comments make me sick
They tell us how to run our lives
By making us be better wives
They teach us how to fake a tan
Put hair up in a messy bun
A bikini body in just 6 weeks
Sun kissed hair not using bleach
How to wear the latest fashion
Your comfy look will take a bashing
Photographs of stupid styles
Your other half would run a mile
Exaggerated killer heels
To us OAP’s they’ve no appeal
Advice they give on keeping fit
Patterns for cardi’s you could knit
Why not make a summer dress?
Ideas to make you bloody stressed
The agony aunts use many pages
About our marriage and how to save it
How to act when he has strayed
If he came back I’d have him spayed
‘Cos castration doesn’t fit this rhyme
But that would be his fate next time
And ‘cos you’re living in a mess
A “how to get the look” , for less
Make jam jars into something cool
And you have a go, you silly fool
Make clever stuff with chicken wire
For friends and Neighbours to admire
Get busy with the pinking shears
Banish all your sewing fears
They tell us we must all de-clutter
And you try, like other nutters
And when it comes to making cakes
You can’t admit you’ve never baked
It won’t look like their spongy trinkets
Yours resembles doggy biscuits
And yet we keep on buying more
Or free ones drop in through your door
But now you know you aren’t alone
It’s all right there in “Woman’s Own”
